How to Get Out of Survival Mode: Lessons from a High-Performance Coach

Many high achievers live in survival mode without realising it. They push through exhaustion, overwork, don’t attend to their basic needs like sleep, and feel frustrated when reality doesn’t meet their expectations. They tell themselves to just “keep going,” but over time, chronic stress wears them down – leading to anxiety, self-doubt, and even burnout.

I recently had an experience that threw me into survival mode. It was a short, sharp shock – completely unexpected – and it reinforced some crucial lessons about resilience, stress, and how to regain control.


When Expectations Crash and Reality Hits

My partner and I have been experimenting with different locations across the UK, trying to decide where we’d like to settle. Our latest choice – a remote cliffside cottage on the Jurassic Coast – seemed idyllic. Off-grid, peaceful, perfect for deep work and creativity.

Reality hit hard within 24 hours.

  • The house was freezing – two tiny gas heaters for a large drafty space.
  • The open fire barely worked and produced little heat.
  • No reliable power. Multiple blackouts meant hours troubleshooting batteries and solar panels.
  • Hot water? Only if we manually fed a coal Rayburn all day.
  • Candlelit nights. Sounded romantic, but in reality, we could barely see anything.
  • My partner had to leave for work, leaving me to fend for myself.

I spent two days in survival mode – problem-solving just to get through the basics. And while my stress was acute, the experience reminded me of what so many of my clients feel daily due to chronic stress:

  • Overwhelmed and struggling to make decisions.
  • Low on energy but pushing through anyway.
  • Reacting rather than thinking strategically.
  • Just trying to get through the day rather than making meaningful progress.

It made me reflect on what survival mode teaches us – and more importantly, how to get out of it.


3 Lessons from Survival Mode

1. Perfection is an illusion.

Nothing – no house, job, relationship, or career move – is ever perfect.

We’ve stayed in places that were luxurious and others that were old and decrepit. All had pros and cons. The same applies to life and business – every decision has trade-offs.

The key is knowing what truly matters to you and what compromises you’re willing to make.

2. Your expectations dictate your emotions.

I had high expectations for this week. I envisioned deep work, creativity, and peace. But when the reality was so far from what I imagined, frustration set in.

It’s human nature to have expectations. But when we expect things to be perfect, we set ourselves up for disappointment. A better approach?

Hope for the best, plan for the worst.
Then, no matter what happens, you’re prepared.

3. Assumptions are dangerous.

Many problems in life and work stem from assuming things will be a certain way.

  • In relationships, assumptions cause miscommunication and conflict.
  • In business, they lead to bad decisions and project failures.
  • In leadership, they weaken influence, trust, and gravitas. 

Had we asked better questions before coming, we’d have known what we were signing up for. The same applies to any decision – clarify before committing.


How to Get Out of Survival Mode

Once I accepted the situation, I knew I had to change how I approached it.

1. Surrender to reality.

They say “what you resist, persists” – and I felt that firsthand. The more I fought against my frustration, the worse I felt.

Letting go of what I wanted it to be and accepting what was helped me think more clearly and focus on solutions.

2. Focus on the basics.

When you’re in survival mode, stabilising your foundations is priority number one.

For us, that meant:

  • Finding ways to stay warm.
  • Sorting out food and water.
  • Ensuring WiFi and power.

For my clients, it’s often:

  • Prioritising sleep.
  • Fueling their bodies properly.
  • Getting movement in, even if it’s small.
  • Creating time for meaningful connection.

Until your basic needs are met, you won’t have the capacity for high-level thinking.

3. Adjust your expectations.

I had planned to batch content, strategise, and do deep work. That wasn’t happening.

Instead, I recalibrated.

  • I could still do great client work.
  • I let go of big creative projects.
  • I focused on what was possible rather than what wasn’t.

Lowering expectations freed me from frustration and helped me make the most of what I could control.


Final Thoughts: This Is Temporary

As I write this – still in my parka and scarf, looking out over the sea – I’m reminded that even the hardest experiences add colour to our lives.

If you’re in survival mode right now, remember:

Your circumstances will change.
Your emotions will shift.
You have the ability to turn things around.

For now, focus on the fundamentals, take small steps forward, and trust yourself to figure it out.

Or, if you’re ready for deeper support, learn more about my coaching here.

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