It’s hard to escape perfectionism in our modern world that glamorises perfect bodies, perfect beauty, perfect parenting, perfect relationships. We’re constantly bombarded with success stories which omit any details of struggle or setbacks, and social media is plastered with enhanced and filtered images leaving many of us to believe that we’re failing, in many ways than one.
According to the World Health Organisation, a record number of people worldwide are suffering from serious depression or anxiety disorder and there is a growing body of evidence to suggest the increase in psychological disorders, especially of young people, may stem from excessive standards they hold themselves to and harsh self-punishment they routinely engage in.
The problem is that perfection is an impossible goal and when we become preoccupied with it we not only set ourselves up for failure, but we also expose ourselves to huge psychological turmoil. Perfectionism is associated with a number of psychological disorders including anxiety, depression, eating disorders, OCD and self-harm. It’s also associated with higher levels of stress, higher rates of burnout, suicide and early mortality.
The bottom line is perfectionism can shorten your lifespan and make it a miserable existence.
Are you a perfectionist?
Do you recognise any of these characteristics?
Nobody likes to fail but perfectionists take fear of failure to another level. They see failure as evidence of their unworthiness, inability or incompetence. To combat this they either overcompensate by doing more than is healthy or necessary in an attempt to prove themselves, or they fear failure so much that they don’t even attempt something at all.
Also known as black and white thinking, this is a common cognitive distortion where perfectionists view things in extremes. It’s either right or wrong, success or failure, amazing or terrible. They have an inability or unwillingness to see shades of grey. For example, eating one biscuit whilst trying to lose weight means you’ve completely blown your diet.
Perfectionists don’t like receiving criticism because it exposes their flaws similar to how failure does. They see criticism as a statement of their unworthiness, inability or incompetence rather than an opportunity to learn and improve.
Perfectionists are highly self-critical and in some cases make overly critical assessments of others. They are hypervigilant for any mistake, flaw, misstatement or anything else that falls below their excessively high standards and tend to beat themselves up for any imperfections.
Perfectionists set excessively high standards for themselves which are often unrealistic and unreasonable. They strive for flawlessness and falsely believe this is attainable which creates a negative cycle because when they don’t meet them, which is often because they are impossibly lofty, their self-esteem plummets and they experience repeatedly strong negative emotions of frustration, disappointment and anger.
Perfectionists tend to spend a lot of time thinking about their past failures and ruminate chronically about their imperfections, brood over what could have been or should have been and experience considerable anxiety, shame and guilt about their perceived inadequacies and unworthiness. To manage their anxiety they can become obsessed with winning the validation of others or frequently seeking reassurance from partners, employees and mentors of their worth and aptitude.
How’s perfectionism keeping you STUCK?
If you were able to break free, what would that mean to you?
